Oh, The Humanity! The Global State of Vampires In Genre Fiction and Other Mopery

I have to wonder about a large slice of the “horror” reading public of today.

I’m speaking of the “vampire” genre of today and to the unbelievable depths of depravity it has been mired in since the slathering appearance of insanity like Twilight.

Angst ridden vampires, for God’s sake?! Wringing their hands over the “monsters” they are, feeling revulsion for lusting after hot red blood? Give me a break! Vampires don’t give a frack about humanity beyond eating as many of the tasty dolts as possible. Give me real vampires again. Vampires like the ones in Salem’s Lot. Or the vampires in the remake of Fright Night. Now those are vampires. Vampires are great white sharks on legs that burn up in the sunlight.

Vampires don’t do angst. Vampires rip the throats out of angst and all its guilt ridden remorse.

To Hell with guilt ridden vampires!

I suppose werewolves are going to want to start putting bows in their fur like a Paris Hilton poodle. Nobody is safe from the neutering revisionism of political correctness. Vampires are now really pale whining metrosexuals. Pardon me while I puke.

Real writers of horror genre fiction need to rebuke this trend immediately. I call for novels depicting real vampires coming to kick the shit out of the Twilight punk ass poser vampires. Let’s see Twilight meets 30 Days Of Night. There’s no real fight here. Real vampires would completely wipe out the entire cast of Twilight in the first two minutes of the film. Then we’d have to bring in real opponents for the vampires to fight for the rest of the movie. Send in Buffy.

I like old Buff. Some of the early episodes were absolute gems. The show had an angst-ridden vampire, too. But at least Angel had a good excuse for his moping. He was cursed to be like that. If the curse were lifted, he’d immediately start serial killing humanity again with bubbling joy. So there’s really no excuse for vampires like Twilight depicts. There is no way angst-ridden vampires would have survived into the modern era. They would have been burned to the ground by the Inquisition centuries ago.

Stop with the angst genre already. It’s downright embarrassing. Any real vampire should be ashamed to show its fangs in public in light of how far the archetype has been violated by the PC revisionists of vampire lore. Twilight is how you rape a fine legend.

Now for that other mopery.

I’m in a screenwriting class at the local community college for the original reason of starting a screenplay version of my current novel, Special Task Force: GREEN MAJIK #1 “Pretty Hate Machine.” But one of our assignments was to create a short treatment for a movie idea based on something that happened in childhood. So I turned in something about growing up in an private Seventh-Day Adventist school trying to play Star Trek on the playground without the religious police interfering in our antics and trying to shut us down. Or at least confiscate our phasers.

And I sense this instructor suspects my motives for taking this class but my little treatment is more intriguing to him and he voiced his hope I choose to pursue the screenplay about me and my little gang of Lucifers defying the adult religious authorities running the school that wants to ban the playing out of Star Trek roles on the playground.

I was initially resistant. Then I had a thought.

How do I make that story part of the GREEN MAJIK universe?

Answer: make that story be about one of my GREEN MAJIK characters in childhood.

Who that character is was an instantaneous no-brainer.

Of course.

Mallory Hammond.

She’s just as much a little spitfire at nine as she is at forty one.

I knew from the get go that just the conflict between the kids and a tyrannical teacher that loathes popular media as the work of Satan wasn’t enough rocket fuel to launch a whole movie with. There needed to be more.

But what.

The original story line suggests something light and fun like The Little Rascals.

But I’m not built like that.

I have to make it The Little Rascals meets The X-Files.

In fact – this is Mallory’s first case. At nine. She’s on the case. And on the playground, she’s Captain Kirk. Don’t you forget it, buster.

There needed to be a real bad monster in the picture, too.

An evil predator of children that really worships Satan who portrays himself to the rest of the school staff as being the most stellar and pious Christian to be on par with Saint Francis himself.

And little future Special Agent Mallory Hammond is his target.


The game is afoot.